Recently, a friend of mine told me about a running competition she has with her husband to see who can visit the most countries beyond the USA, their country of residence. They both travel a lot for…
Watching Bob kill Maddie Ferguson was the most horrifying thing ever broadcast on network tv TO THIS DAY and my Mom and I were literally cowering in the corner of her bed as we watched it. I slept with her for a week. It might have been two weeks, and it wasn’t just because I was so totally freaked out, it was also because SHE was so totally freaked out.
Hubby and I watched Twin Peaks last year. He’d never seen it. He refused to believe me that it was actually a real show on real tv. After each episode he’d say “Nope. That was NOT on ABC. You’re lying.”
I had a hard time watching that scene a second time, even as an adult.
I DID NOT NEED TO SEE ANOTHER PICTURE OF BOB EVER! Bob is the scariest thing to have EVER been burned into my eyeballs EVER. Even in freakin’ production stills, Bob is scary.
(shudder)
There is just not enough BOB in all our lives anymore.
My mom just emailed this photo to me.
Subject: BOB
Body: Thought you’d like this!
How quickly we forget that 8th grade Sarah made her mother stand next to her in the bathroom while brushing her teeth at night because she couldn’t be alone after a BOB episode.
WTF Mom.
Hahaha on the husband not believing TP was actually a real show on ABC. So true. Still baffling that some executives around a table went “yep, this is greenlit, good stuff here, people will not have nightmares for a decade.”
PS- I’ve got good news. That gum you like is going to come back in style.
PPS- Ok, I’ve completely freaked myself out and am going to get a pedicure. I can no longer be alone in my house.
what was the last word you looked up in a dictionary?
“absolve” about five minutes ago … that is, if you count “define: ___” Google queries. Turns out I was slightly wrong on how I was about to use it in a sentence. Whew.
My mom just emailed this photo to me.
Subject: BOB
Body: Thought you’d like this!
How quickly we forget that 8th grade Sarah made her mother stand next to her in the bathroom while brushing her teeth at night because she couldn’t be alone after a BOB episode.
WTF Mom.
- Accidently interrupt a man proposing to his girlfriend by asking him where to find the nearest water fountain. Completed. April 22nd, 2010; 1:35 p.m.
- Receive a deathly glare from the girl whose marriage proposal I accidently interrupted by asking the boyfriend the location of nearest water…
BRAVO! ENCORE!
There are sort of two ways of approaching the main draws of Honshu (Japan’s “Big Island”): go full urban and experience the modern city life, or try to capture the Japanese ancient history…
As Seen on TV - a tribute to doing it wrong:
Whenever a TV product commercial plays I bust a gut during the parts where they show us what we’re doing wrong and why we need the product.
This is my tribute to the hilarious work the actors in these infomercials do.
THERE IS KETCHUP ALL OVER MY SHIRT! THE MILK IS SLIPPERY! MY DOG IS TOO SMALL!
No man should ever be on Facebook? Christina and I obviously run in very different circles. Can you imagine? “If you really cared about me, you’d delete your Facebook account.” HA HA HA BELLY LAUGH.
A letter from Christina Hendricks to Esquire readers:
We love your body. If we’re in love with you, we love your body. Your potbelly, everything. Even if you’re insecure about something, we love your body. You feel like you’re not this or that? We love your body. We embrace everything. Because it’s you.
Speaking of your body, you don’t understand the power of your own smell. Any woman who is currently with a man is with him partly because she loves the way he smells. And if we haven’t smelled you for a day or two and then we suddenly are within inches of you, we swoon. We get light-headed. It’s intoxicating. It’s heady.
We remember forever what you say about the bodies of other women. When you mention in passing that a certain woman is attractive — could be someone in the office, a woman on the street, a celebrity, any woman in the world, really — your comment goes into a steel box and it stays there forever. We will file the comment under “Women He Finds Attractive.” It’s not about whether or not we approve of the comment. It’s about learning what you think is sexy and how we might be able to convey it. It’s about keeping our man by knowing what he likes.
We also remember everything you say about our bodies, be it good or bad. Doesn’t matter if it’s a compliment. Could be just a comment. Those things you say are stored away in the steel box, and we remember these things verbatim. We remember what you were wearing and the street corner you were standing on when you said it.
Never complain about our friends — even if we do. No matter how many times we say a friend of ours is driving us crazy, you are not to pile on. Not because it offends us. But because it adds to the weight that we carry around about her.
Remember what we like. When I first started dating my husband, I had this weird fascination with the circus and clowns and old carnival things and sideshow freaks and all that. About a month after we started dating, he bought me this amazing black-and-white photo book on the circus in the 1930s, and I started sobbing. Which freaked him out. I thought, Oh, my God, I mentioned this three or four weeks ago and talked about it briefly, but he was really listening to me. And he actually went out and researched and found this thing for me. It was amazing.
We want you to order Scotch. It’s the most impressive drink order. It’s classic. It’s sexy. Such a rich color. The glass, the smell. It’s not watered down with fruit juice. It’s Scotch. And you ordered it.
Stand up, open a door, offer a jacket. We talk about it with our friends after you do it. We say, “Can you believe he stood up when I approached the table?” It makes us feel important. And it makes you important because we talk about it.
No shorts that go below the knee. The ones almost like capri pants, the ones that hover somewhere between the kneecap and the calf? Enough with those shorts. They are the most embarrassing pants in the world. They should never be worn. No woman likes those.
Also, no tank tops. In public at least. A tank top is underwear. You’re walking around in your underwear. Too much.
No man should be on Facebook. It’s an invasion of everyone’s privacy. I really cannot stand it.
You don’t know this, but when we come back from a date, we feel awkward about that transition from our cute outfit into sexy lingerie. We don’t know how to do this gracefully. It’s embarrassing. We have to find a way to slip into another room, put on the outfit as if it all happened very easily, and then come out and it’s: Look at me! Look at the sexy thing I’ve done! For you, it’s the blink of an eye. It’s all very embarrassing. Just so you know.
Panties is a wonderful word. When did you stop saying “panties”? It’s sexy. It’s girlie. It’s naughty. Say it more.
About ogling: The men who look, they really look. It doesn’t insult us. It doesn’t faze us, really. It’s just — well, it’s a little infantile. Which is ironic, isn’t it? The men who constantly stare at our breasts are never the men we’re attracted to.
There are better words than beautiful. Radiant, for instance. It’s an underused word. It’s a very special word. “You are radiant.” Also, enchanting, smoldering, intoxicating, charming, fetching.
Marriage changes very little. The only things that will get a married man laid that won’t get a single man laid are adultery and whores. Intelligence and humor (and your smell) are what get you laid. That’s what got you laid when you were single. That’s what gets you laid when you’re married. Everything still works in marriage: especially intelligence and humor. Because the sexiest thing is to know you.
+1000
zadi:
When I lived in NYC this “activity” shot up to my #1 pet peeve of all time. I too can’t believe we need a sign for this… prank or not.
Words cannot express how much I love this.
